My Teenagers are awesome

My three kids have a lot in common.  All with light colored hair, blue eyes and fair skin.  They all have giant feet like their dad.  Each has a strong sense of who they are, and a strong will to compliment it.  Once upon a time they all sounded pretty much the same when they spoke until Jayce turned into a man boy and his voice dropped a few octaves.  But the similarities are as numerous as their differences.  I can't say it enough,  I LOVE watching teenagers become.  I don't always like the decisions, but I sure love standing back and watching them squirm out of their cocoon and spread their wings.  

Lainy is just 13 and has always known who she is.  She has a strong sense of goodness and generally makes good choices.  Enter boy number one.  There isn't currently a boy number two, but I am sure there will be, so this boy is the first.  Her little heart is circling and swirling round and round, fluttering between real life and responsibility and fluffy feelings of dreamy boy number one.  My first response as a mama was,  whoa- kid.  Nuh uh.  No way, no how.  Not happening.  And then my 13 year old self knocked very lightly and said, hey remember what you were like at 13 years old?  Oh yeah, I had a boy number one at age 13 too...  And I felt so completely unprepared for the parenting duties that were required of me.  She isn't a fan of our parental standing on it all.  But boundaries were tested a little, tears were abundant, and understanding of those boundaries so far has been good.

Skip on over to my oldest child Jayce.  He's pushing 16 and he is either completely unprepared for dating, or he wised up and is keeping his mouth shut about it.  He has never been super sure of how to present himself to the world.  He knows who he is, and what he stands for and what kind of person he wants to become, but isn't super strong at holding up high and carrying it around on his shoulders.  While we are holding Lainy back and helping her set boundaries for dating, we are having to do a little pushing, prodding and teaching for Jayce.  My sweet friend told me about a brilliant parenting moment by a friend.  This friend takes her sons on their first date, and her husband takes their daughters on their first date.  They teach them how to handle conversation, how to appropriately accept an opened door, or open the door for the other, how to pay the bill and how to tip, they discuss dating ideas, what is appropriate and what is not.  Jayce doesn't like the idea.  But he's going on a date with me anyway. 

Yesterday Jayce got in the car after school and said, I just laid out another kid.  Unfortunately, this was not the first (or second or third...) time that those words have been uttered from Jayce.  But this time was different.  We have tried to teach our kids that there will be times in life that you need to step up and act in defense of the defenseless.  I am not a fan of physical responses in anger.  But I am proud of Jayce for acting in defense of the defenseless yesterday.  There is a special needs boy who often waits for his parents in a grassy area near the high school, yesterday he was sitting in the snow building a snowman.  Several boys walked by, one kicked over the snowman, and they all laughed and ridiculed.  Jayce was nearby, gave him a solid punch to the face, told him that was not ok and walked on.  My mama heart was proud.  Most days I wonder if I am teaching them anything that sticks.  

Teenagers are hard, they are sweet, awkward, wonderful and really awful.  I love to watch them grow.  Literally, if you stare at them long enough you can probably see them grow right out of the clothes and shoes I just bought.  But man, are they awesome.  I just love my teens.  

Warning: Hint, guidance, recommendation, love.

"Oil change needed"

I knew it was close, but I also knew I didn't have to change the oil immediately.  It would keep.  A few days later...

"front left tire pressure low"

 Yeeeeah, I did a once around to check if I had a real flat, but they looked good.  I chalked it up to cold temperature.  It would right itself once it warmed up.

"ice possible- drive with caution"

That one I was familiar with.  It had been snowing and anytime the temp drops below freezing that warning pops up.

It was when all three of these warnings ran across my dashboard in a news ticker fashion, that I began to think I should probably pay attention.  These small warnings were beginning to pile up. 

Each of these warnings are a little different.   An oil change has a little bit of wiggle room.  You know eventually you have to get to it or there will be bigger issues that follow. 

A tire pressure warning is kind of an important one.  Especially in my case when husband informed me that I did indeed have low tire pressure due to a nail being stuck in it.  Definitely a case requiring immediate repair.

The ice possible warning is one that pops up just to remind you that danger is possible.

I have teenagers.  I have taught the youth most of my adult life in my church assignments.  I can assure you that they feel like we are the news ticker scrolling across their daily lives in a steady stream of warnings. 

Oil change needed.  Choose your friends wisely, it might not be an issue now, but eventually you'll end up with bigger problems.  Choosing friends as teenagers is tough.  Sure, sometimes the friendships find you- and if you're lucky, the friendship is as if two pieces of a puzzle are popping together in perfect place.  Sometimes finding even one friend is tough.  It's these moments that can cause you to be impatient and just friendship someone right into your life that isn't quite the match you need.  I wish I could better help these teens understand that being alone isn't as terrible as it feels.  Learning to be alone is a neat journey and each person should really take the opportunity to understand what it means.  Mean girls.  I know, I just jumped there.  I couldn't find a soft segue to lead into the topic.  It applies to boys as well.  It isn't friendship when you are in a group that judges, makes fun of, or hurts others.  It just means you are part of a group who has a common purpose.  It isn't friendship- don't fool yourself.  Friendship results in a lot of things- joy, growth, support, understanding, love, kindness, bonding and a zillion other positive good things.  If you are bound together and you find yourself using the group to take advantage of another, stop it.  And reassess your group.  Is this a friendship?  Are these people helping me to become who I want to become?  Am I being a good friend?  Am I helping others become who they want to become?  Choose your friends wisely now, so you don't have bigger problems later. 

Low tire pressure.  What's causing it?  Why is my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior  at a low?  I can tell you with certainty that it isn't because He is lacking.  Take a walk around your vehicle life.  Can you see anything wrong that might be causing your low pressure?  Really look.  Remember, I took a walk around my car and didn't see anything major.  Tires looked fine, ignore the warning.  But someone I love and someone who was looking out for me took a closer look.  And he found a big fat nail in my tire.  What might your nail be?  Addiction to Netflix/social media/video games/food/pornography/anything else? A poor choice of language? Low self esteem? Judging others? What is your nail?  What can you work on?  We all have something, if you can't find something the first time, look again.  If you are still walking this earth, you've got something to work on, something to be warned about, something to change in order to be closer to your Savior and your Father in Heaven.

Ice possible, drive with caution.  I think of these words as a daily warning.  Be careful out there.  It might be slippery.  Watch for things that will cause you to slip and try to avoid them.  But guys, He gets it.  You're going to hit ice once in a while, sometimes that ice comes in the form of things that you can't control, sometimes you are going to make poor choices.  Driving with caution means paying attention, do the same thing in your lives.  Pay attention to what is a good thing in your life, and the things that are slippery. 

The warnings from your car are only there to protect you.  Your car isn't giving you warnings to make your drive more difficult.  I promise, if an adult is giving you a warning, before you roll your eyes, try and remind yourself that it's only because they love you and want to protect you from the crazy that's out there. 

He's home.

You guys.  My husband is home.  Permanently.  Goodbye lonely empty bed, goodbye saying goodbye every Sunday, goodbye frantic running around trying to get children to various activities all at once, goodbye all too common cereal dinners because why make dinner when you have to force feed it, goodbye rocking in the corner because parenting alone is haaaard.  Hello to my nightly spooning buddy, hello to my companion taking the reigns with the punk teenagers, hello partner who cleans, hello husband who helps kids practice sports, hello math tutor (hallelujah!) hello consistency, hello to my other half. 

I can't believe how much I was lacking until when he came home he made it whole.  It was like juggling constantly, and someone coming over and holding a couple of the balls while you just tossed one up in the air and caught it.  It's hard to explain in a tiny blog post, but it's more than just: he's been gone, and now he's home. 

When we had the chance to live a typical, non traveling life style, when we were younger, it didn't work.  Let's be real, we didn't like living together full time all that much.  We were young, and very, very different with some weaknesses that clashed big time.  It was a pretty special experience when we started talking last year about Jason moving home and finding local work.  There was a lot of prayer, fasting and communication before a decision was made.  All of the logistics weren't matching up.  How do we leave a job that pays well,  are there any opportunities locally to support our family?  Will we have to sell the house?  Can we stay in Cedar?  Will we kill each other?  We had some hard decisions to make.  It all boiled down to the importance of being together as a couple, and the importance and his desire to be a present father.  We were and are willing to sacrifice whatever is necessary to be together.  We know it's what's right for us, and more importantly we want to be together. 

I have missed my person.  I am so grateful for progression, growth, and forgiveness. 
Over and out.