I'm on my second teen so I feel like I might be something of an expert on the subject. (be careful, that sarcasm is dripping) A lifetime ago, when my kids were babies, I often felt like I was just surviving. Barely keeping my head above water. I look back and see so many years that are blurry. I'm sure there were moments I that impacted my children for good. Probably only the feeding, changing, and protecting them part. Honestly, even if I did it again today knowing and experiencing everything I have, it would still be crazy hard, and a blur. I asked my sister once who has children a few years older than mine if it got easier. She hesitated before answering. No, not really, she said. It just... changes. It's a different kind of hard. Flash forward to 2017. Holy Hannah, still crazy hard! Some days I feel like my intellect, usually tucked squarely inside my head is on the verge of blasting out eventually sighing with relief at not living inside my head anymore. Seriously guys, teenagers are a whole new beast.
Jayce is inching up on 15 this summer, and just in the last month or two I have seen some major rays of sunshine cracking through the darkness. Not going to lie, tough kid. Grouchy, irritable, slacker. One beautiful thing that I would wish for every parent to have in their relationship with their teen is a quality that Jayce has. I didn't teach him, so don't ask how I did it. It was all him. That boy tells me everything. EVERYTHING. Things that I had to go in my room and google in order to know how to respond. It was usually late at night when I was exhausted and wanting to give a quick kiss good night and climb into bed, that he wanted to talk. Parents, don't give up these moments. They are few and they don't come around often. I promise, it's worth it. I had heard whisperings that age 15 was about the time when you started to look at your kid and seeing glimmerings that they were human again, want to squeeze them because you missed them while they were gone, back from their previous form of an awkward hormonal beast. Welcome back Jayce. You are a darling boy again, and I am thankful for you and your helpful demeanor and patience with my crazy.
Lainy. Oooooooh my Lainy. Lainy seems too sweet of a name for the emotions that have spewed from her the past few months. More than a few times I have had to quietly tell her to put the dog's leash on and take him for a walk. Something about fresh air, and walking off steam helps return her in a manageable state. This one tells me nothing. She is a closed book. It drives me bonkers. Once in a while the floodgates will open, she hits a vulnerable streak and I am faced with a face full of teen emotions in the form of being puked on. I'll take it. I just have to remember to sit there without over reacting to all the crazy she is telling me, and then when she's finished I can go upstairs and wash it all off and process what just happened. She has been my easiest kid. Sweet temperament, kind to everyone, ever the includer. She makes friends easily and fits into just about every group or personality type there is. Unfortunately, she is in full blown teenage form and I will have to adjust to the small spit size moments of sweetness and sanity I can get from her for a few years.
In all seriousness people. Teenagers are amazing. I have taught them in church callings for 10+ years. I love them and their weirdness. And I love my own teenagers. Hormones and all. It feels less blurry than when they were little, but my brain and heart sure take a beating these days. It's completely worth it when you get those moments when your teens experience things that help them stretch and grow. A few years ago I bought each one of my kids a small leather bound journal. I had good intentions to use them to communicate with them. It would be a place where they could write things to Jason and I that maybe they needed a quiet space to verbalize. And we would write things in it to build them up and have a personal moment with each kid to strengthen our relationship. Yeah, it wasn't as glowy and magical as I had hoped. But those journals still get used by each one of my kids. Sometimes there are months or a year in between writings, but they have served a beautiful purpose. Just this week Jayce mentioned that he had been writing to me. FOR MONTHS people, consistently. I couldn't believe it. The kid who sluffed school as often as he could get away with it, the kid who hated writing, the kid who was as inconsistent as his mother, wrote letters to me for months, and they were beautiful. It's the neatest thing when you look at those humans and think, wow, they are going to be awesome adults someday soon. My people are incredible, I am grateful to be their mama, and I love them fiercely.
