Please don’t let His dependence be lost on me

I found myself literally screaming at my computer screen this morning.  Even now my gut is resisting the urge to lurch at the words from this article.  A man was pushed onto the tracks of the subway train.  Awful in itself.  But they are looking into criminal charges against a photographer who snapped a shot just before he was hit.  He, of course, defends his photo as you will read which, whatever.  But this sentence is what I began yelling in response to…

“The moral issue among professional photojournalists in such situations is "to document or to assist," said Kenny Irby, an expert in the ethics of visual journalism at the Poynter Institute, a Florida-based nonprofit journalism school.”

Are you FREAKING kidding me???  ALWAYS ASSIST!    It’s still ringing in my head. 

Which reminds me of my experience last night…   We had the delightful opportunity to attend an end of the year soccer party of 6 years old at Peter Piper Pizza.  Pizza, soda and tokens were in abundance.  Conversation was awkward and delightful.  And then I felt someone standing next to me.  She was probably a few years older than I am,  and had a boy behind her about age 11.  She said nothing, but held a sign that pleaded for money due to her loss of employment.  It was a few seconds before I could start my judgment  plan of action.  Which ended up being silence.  Until one of the men at the table handed her some money and she left.  I was torn, did I feel in awe of her bravery and compulsion to provide for her family?   Or annoyance at her obviously intelligent choice of location to beg?  Was she really in need?   And those questions wrapped themselves around my dreams through the night until this morning when I found myself screaming at my computer. 

ALWAYS ASSIST.     

“My brothers and sisters, we are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us.” - Thomas S Monson

2 birthdays and a non thanksgiving.

Monday: Lainy came home from school with a stomach ache.   4 pm, she threw up.   Jayce started in harmony at 8pm.   Bro. Nielson called and asked if I could speak on Sunday. 

Tuesday: 3 kids home from school just to keep it contained.  Lots of sleeping and 7-up.   Skip piano.  Skip soccer.  Skip scouts.

Wednesday: 5 am, it was my turn.  The kids stayed home again.  Jason came from from San Diego at 11pm.  Yay. Reinforcements. 

Thursday:  Thanksgiving.  I started to believe that we were out of the woods.  No thanksgiving dinner.  Jared said he had a stomach ache.

Friday: 6 am Jared threw up.   Happy Birthday Lainy.  Good thing your birthday party is next weekend.  I’m still sick.  Or sick again…

Saturday:  Happy birthday to me.  Managed an hour or two date night out with my bestie Shelli and husband.  

Sunday:  Gave a mediocre talk and came home to nap.  Jason went back to San Diego. 

My talk was on Thanks be to God.   Here’s my positive spin.  I don’t think I spread the sickness. (no one came in, and no one came out),  I’m SO grateful I wasn’t sick a the same time as the children, and that they can all hit a bowl, or a toilet, minimizing clean up.  I love that I could lay lifeless on the bed while the talk I was assigned played over and over from my tablet.  I know Jason probably isn’t grateful he came home for 4 days, but I sure am.  And lastly, but certainly not even slightly least, after sacrament meeting today: enter Shelli.  Who skipped her own meeting to come see me give my talk. 

AAAAnd that’s a wrap!

Perfect creativity

I have a hard time allowing my children creative space.  I like to make sure things are neat and tidy as the craft/project/learning activity is in progress.  I usually have a vision of how I want things to turn out and want to make sure we they have success in everything that they do. 

I am learning that when I give my kids a chore to do, I have to let them do it while I am not watching.  If I don’t, I end up doing the entire chore myself because it isn’t done my way.   Having spent some time in each of my kids classes, I get to see how each teacher responds to the organized chaos of certain aspects of teaching.  For instance, Art.  Assignment: create a scene in AZ.   In my narrow mind I would have directed them all to a desert scene.  Here’s what I saw in the end…  An up close snapshot of an aerial view of a lap pool,  a green piney forest (yes they exist in Northern AZ),  kids swimming at a public pool,  a few different versions of a typical desert scene, a giant cactus, and so many others that weren’t my way.  They were perfect.  And each characteristic of the owners uniqueness.

It got me thinking about the Creation.  You know.  The big one.  This earth is a wonder, and the tiny bit I know about how it was created leaves me in awe.   I may be way off base here, but I wonder how much creative space was allowed when Heavenly Father instructed Christ on how to create the earth and it’s contents.  And that since we believe there are other worlds, how different are they?  The bounds of the beauty have to be endless due to the individuals view or take on it.  And if we live worthy enough to one day create our own world…   oh my goodness, my brain is on overload.  Such a cool line of thought. 

That said, I would never in my wildest dreams think that I could do even the simplest of things while I am here on earth, on my own.  All I have been given, and have yet to be given, all that I have done, and have yet to do, I owe and dedicate to my Savior.  I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of a Savior who is willing to tolerate, teach and love someone as imperfect as I am. 

"Don’t worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord’s help, you can become."

—Henry B. Eyring

These oils are essential

I have often spouted about my frustration with asthma/allergies/eczema.  I have tried so many things to help alleviate symptoms. I have prayed so many times just to make it through the night, and so many hours begging for insight on what to do to make it disappear.    If you haven’t experienced a child with asthma, count your blessings.  With Jayce, once school starts and all things nature start to come alive from the dead summer months, his lungs begin to shut down.  He gasps and coughs constantly.  I am so grateful for the steroids he can take each day to help him to breathe without restriction.   But like I have said before, they make him a meanie. A VERY visible difference in behavior, which of course affects his relationships both in the home and at school and trickles down to his grades.  I want more than anything for him to be happy and succeed so I will literally try anything. And I have…

• Immunotherapy drops
• holistic approach BAX 3000
• Chiropractic
• diet changes/restrictions
• multiple medication changes

The only thing that worked was the stinking steroids.  My sweet friend has quietly encouraged me to try essential oils for several years now.  Honestly, I thought it was a bunch of bologna.  But I had to check it off my list so I could say I had tried.  I started in the beginning of August with some simple mixtures in a capsule for allergies and gave them to my boys each day.   Neither of them were showing symptoms a month after school started.  I felt a twinge of hope.  But then again, I didn’t know if it was the oils or just that the asthma hadn’t kicked in for the season yet.  (Jared also has asthma, but the steroids don’t affect him negatively)  Lainy came home one day with your typical seasonal allergies.  She doesn’t get them much but she was all stuffy, watery eyes, and lots of sneezing.  So, I filled her up one of my essential oil capsules and crossed my fingers.  10 minutes later she came running though the kitchen making a beeline for the Kleenex.   He nose was a faucet.  An hour or so later she was symptom free.  Hmmm.  I was intrigued. 

Neither of my boys have had any typical allergies so far this season like they usually do (itchy watery eyes, stuffy noses etc.)  Jayce’s asthma did rear it’s ugly head 2 weeks ago.  Oils couldn’t touch it.  I gave in and started steroids for 3 days and then I took him back off.  It’s been 10 days so far with oils again and so far no sign of asthma.

Lainy got sick with a cold about a week ago and the girl was a coughing maniac.  I was skeptical if the Breathe oil would be enough to help her sleep through the night.  Um. Wow.  Amazing.  I did have to reapply the oil every few hours at night, but I found myself giggling in the 4am hour, beside her bed when yet again it ceased the coughing fits. 

Now, I know it’s only Sept 26th, and the real winter season is a long ways off, but usually I am knee deep in nasty attitudes and shallow breathing by this time of year.  So I am once again spouting off my mouth, but in complete gratitude for something that it miraculous. 

*PS: Jayce’s legs and arms are usually covered with eczema, scabs from scratching, and dry skin.  He has a few tiny dots on his knees these days…  I AM SO GRATEFUL!!!

**PS again: I didn’t write this to market anything.  This is working.  This is making my sweeties healthy and happy.  I want people to know there is an alterative if your looking for one. 

6 is still tiny right?

He’s the original “tiny person” which is what I call all very small kiddos.  Somehow it stuck and I just call him tiny.  I went into his kindergarten class Friday walked by him touched his head and said, “hi tiny”.  

Whoops. 

The boy across from him caught it immediately.  “Tiiinnneeeyy?? (insert laughter) He’s not tiny” I could see panic on Jared’s face…  To which I quickly replied, “he’s tinier than me, and so are you, so your tiny too.”   He seemed to accept that answer and moved on.  Phew. 

My slightly less than tiny person turned 6 this month.  He is the coolest kid.  With him I learned never to laugh when he played pretend, or when he told me he was a kung Fu master, or sang me a made up song.  He was my third try and I finally realized I was only hindering if I didn’t play along in complete seriousness and support.  He is very self conscious with the rest of the world, but never with me.  I love that he lets me into his world and is comfortable with me there. 

I take advantage of every hug, kiss, snuggle, giggle, and laugh that I can because I know they will get scarce. But fingers crossed he is a mama’s boy forever.  I love you tiny person.

 

If my walls could talk they would say WAKE UP!

You know that moment you can never remember right as you fall asleep?  Yeah, I did that standing up. While walking.  At the kids school, and only realized it when I side swiped the stuccoed wall.  I’m not sure how well I pulled off that I just lost my balance… 

I’ve run into a few walls in my life.  It’s that same feeling, you don’t realize you fell asleep until something hard wakes you up.  And I think it’s that same feeling when you swipe that wall, that you suddenly realize you lost your balance and you wonder how many people noticed how far gone you were. 

Most recently I have lost my balance on time management.  I got pretty ambitious, signed all three kids up for sports,  two for piano, and one for art class.  Thought it would be fun to coach Lainy’s soccer team (no, I have never even played soccer), be team mom for another, volunteer in each of their classes every week, take an institute class (bible study), and joined the gym.  It all worked super until I actually had to DO it.  My wall on this one was thankfully a relatively soft one.

You make me sick. And not sick.

I have a nasty, crusty, mean, just awful attitude tonight.   And it’s all their fault.  They took my kind hearted, funny, silly, all around wonderful 10 year old from me.  I hope you never have a cause to meet these awful… nuisances.  Because they will flip your life upside down and make you cry.  They take perfectly normal emotions and jump up and down on them until they squeeze tears out of you.  I hate them.  And the only reason I keep them around is because they keep my kind hearted, funny, silly and wonderful 10 year old alive during September thru May.  They make you mean, and make you say awful things to your mom that make her cry.  Words that were once loving, are spiteful and hard.  I want to never have them in my home again.  But their the only thing that make the asthma go away…

I hate you steroids.

It was a grizzly fight

This young man got his Bear last night at scouts. 

(I know, nice sweat bands, but he insists they are cool)

 

Yeah this was the best shot I got of him afterwards.   He had the wrestle the “bear” in the “cave” (thank you Bro Neilson!)  and come out with a token to show for it.  (That’s the bear claw in his hand) 

We are still getting our feet under us in this new ward and it made my heart happy that this went so well. 

Also, to my Jayce:  You have always been a funny kid.  Not always in control or your timing, but always funny.  At the ripe old age of 10, you are well on your way to conquering the gift of comedic timing.  I laughed pretty hard last night kiddo!  I am so proud of you and how hard you have worked for this.  Keep going!  I love you! 

Too many first/lasts

My three not so tiny people started school this week.

 

New house, new ward, new school, new friends.  There was a lot of anxiety floating around.  But we made it.  With zero tears.  Not even from ME!  All came home happy and full of chatter.   Though the house was quiet and lonely, I found that I quite enjoyed a lot of it.  I didn’t prepare properly to accept that it was ok for me to enjoy my time and not just measure it’s success.  I miss my babies terribly when they leave.  I know that won’t change, but I realize I am an important person to invest time in, and I have a list of things I want to tackle.

 

This little guy lost his first tooth tonight.  I almost cried.  My need to express joy in his momentous occasion overpowered that thankfully.  The overwhelming thought filled my mind, this is the last first lost tooth.  It seems trivial, but I already sent my last child to kindergarten this week.  It hardly seemed fair that I had to check another growing- up-too-fast moment off my mom list this week.  To add salt to the wound, I didn’t even get to pull it.  He pulled the dang thing out himself. 

Weekends have a whole new appeal these days…

Jason Mraz aids my testimony

I love the song by Jason Mraz called “I won’t give up”      If you haven’t really listened the the lyrics, take a minute and read them through.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

It reminded me that the relationships that are the most important to me take work, and that I would miss out on so much if I had quit at one time or another on a friend, family member, or spouse.  But this week when I was driving home from the grocery store (that’s how I know it was important, I remember what I was doing exactly) this song came on and the thought popped into my head that my relationship with my Father in Heaven applies to most of this song as well.   I am surprised that it affected my testimony in such an unexpected way.  What a reminder to me that He won’t give up on me and I need to work harder at not giving up on my end.  So there ya go.

Don’t forget to fill your own cup

My family always asks if I am taking dinner to someone (who had a baby, illness, death in the family etc) when I make a salad with dinner and a dessert. 

The lessons for whatever class I am teaching at church are always more elaborate than the family home evenings I plan for my kids. 

When company is coming,  I go into spic n span mode.  It has to sparkle. 

Meg and I were shopping together today (without kids.  It was so fun!) and had a fleeting conversation about organ donation.  I am an organ donor.  I’m not sure when in my mind and heart I began to feel that desire, but I do.   I know some day my body will be restored to a perfect state, but while I’m not using it, I love the idea of allowing someone else to learn and grow and love for a while longer.   So, while watching one of those surgery drama shows tonight, the thought crossed my mind, “oh my word, someone might need my heart-kidneys-lungs-etc someday… I have got to take better care of my body!”  

So, why is it that when someone else is going to be using it, seeing it, (living with it?) that it needs to be a lot more special than what I give myself and my family?  

As I have gotten older I have not only grown in height (and weight!) but in confidence, and I think it’s high time I start making dinner with salad and dessert,  spending more time on family home evenings, making my house sparkle and taking better care of my body because darn it,  my family (and my organs) are overdue.

Daily Gem

Each day via email, I get a “daily gem” from LDS.org.   I used to delete some of them without reading them due to the hustle and bustle or a full inbox and the desire to clean it out quickly.   A few months ago I realized that each day there were words from God being sent through my email!  (I know, duh Julia)  Some days it was just nice to read loving inspirational words, but on days like today the words spoke to my soul.  This blog is for my children and someday they will need this as I do. 

"In reality, there aren’t many things in a day that are totally without significance. Even the mundane and repetitious can be tiny but significant building blocks that in time establish the discipline and character and order needed to realize our plans and dreams. Therefore, as you ask in prayer for your daily bread, consider thoughtfully your needs—both what you may lack and what you must protect against. As you retire to bed, think about the successes and failures of the day and what will make the next day a little better. And thank your Heavenly Father for the manna He has placed along your path that sustained you through the day."   —D. Todd Christofferson

I am new to days filled with only my children.  For years my poor kids were given only the time I had in small gaps between work and making sure the house didn’t swallow us up in undone laundry and other such things.  I don’t feel as though most days are “mundane and repetitious” but I have forgotten to remember to watch for my tiny daily blessings that create these building blocks to my dreams.  And to thank my Heavenly Father “for the manna He has placed along your path that sustained you through the day."

My daily prayers are often a mixture of please please please, thank you, please please please and a grey area of thought that is what I imagine, worry and stress without specific words to go with it. Thank you Elder Christofferson for reminding me to speak clearly when I pray… “as you ask in prayer for your daily bread, consider thoughtfully your needs—both what you may lack and what you must protect against” 

Beautiful. 

 

A lesson in Jell-O

Who knew America’s funniest home videos would teach my children such a valuable lesson?

Scene: College kids having a  Jell-O eating contest.  (I know, initially I thought Jell-O shots, but no, good clean Jell-O eating fun) 

My kids are trying to figure out who the individual is that caused this scene to make the show… These kids are cheering and chanting, so much chaos… Table falling over onto someone? No.  Jell-O coming from a nose? Nope.

Just as we see green Jell-O eating guy inhale the last of what’s on his plate and start to celebrate, blue jell-O explodes from his opponents face. Everywhere. It had an impact both on the television and in my children's minds. 

Jared: Whoa.  so that’s why you won’t let us eat very much jell-O.

Lainy: (still clearly in shock as her eyeballs have no yet receded back into her face) From now on, I am only eating tiny bits at a time.

Comings and goings of summer

“Oooh that needs to go in my blog” crosses my mind several times each day.  And I often think that surely I will remember such an important thought, topic, comment, or idea by the time I get home.  Not so much. 

Summer has come and is nearly gone (at least as far as the schools go, the heat is here to stay for a few months) and I can’t say I have much to show for it!  I had high expectations for my summer schedule and how many projects would finally be crossed off my to do list, but in truth it has been nice to just be.  At the pool, at the movies, in my jammies, on road trips here or there.  It has been so nice to have  nights of laughter with my sisters.  The combo of watching bachelorette and sitting without children with my sisters in the later hours of day is bound to be filled with joy, snorting laughs, and completely ridiculous topics of conversations.   Love you girls!  (Shannon and Tami.  I love you and I miss you.  I imagine if you were there I might actually keel over and die due to too much joy, happiness and humor.)

I will say the blessings of the summer have been unexpected.  My 3 tiny people (I know they are no longer tiny,  humor me)  have become much better friends, though please do not mistake that to mean they don’t bicker and argue.  They do.  But they like each a whole heck of a lot more than they used to!  All 3 are heading to school full day in less than 3 weeks.  I am a very sad mama.   Yes, I will be the ugly crier mom standing on the pavement clutching her kindergartener.  Bleh.  Not excited for the first day of school. 

Joined the gym this summer.  Yup.  I did.  And since someday my children will be reading this, I will say that I joined so I can be healthy.  Truth is, I am definitely in my 30’s and my body has made sure that I am fully aware of it. 

I have a trip to Reno to get ready for to see my honey.     So signing off!

Jayce’s thoughts

Jayce is rounding the corner of the ripe old age of 10 and his mind is full of wonderful things… 

Tonight at dinner he asked, “Do you think there are more facts than opinions?”  I thought it was an odd question and told him there really isn’t any way to measure that sort of thing.  He rambled on for a few minutes about whether or not people knew more facts, or had more opinions.  Then he said, “So, would Heavenly Father be a fact or an opinion?”    I slowly turned my head toward Jason as he was slowly turning toward me and we half smiled at each other with pride and admiration at our little boys acuteness.  I told him that in my mind He was a fact but that there were many people who viewed Him only as an opinion. 

This line of questioning comes on the tail end of a conversation we have had with Jayce over the course of the last couple of weeks about religion, God and faith.  His testimony is far beyond what mine was at his age, his questions so much deeper and meaningful.  He pulled out all of the old gospel principles books we tossed while packing and I found him in his room reading through them.  He draws parallels in the scriptures, and loves the characters like he knows them.   I love the maturity he is gaining in the little moments between little boy noises, an squeals of laughter, and (almost) harmless rebelliousness.

Mother’s Day 2012

In the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day I was in charge of planning a mutual activity for our young women with Mother’s Day in mind.  I spent some time collecting old photos of their mothers and stories and tid bits from their moms childhood.   I put together a board and planned to have them figure out who was who's mother.  My kids decided it was a good day to puke and so I passed all my planning onto another leader to present.  I was grateful for the time spent learning of these great women.

 

This year I learned how to play my moms favorite primary song on the piano (I am a beginner!) and taught the kids the words.  We videoed it and emailed it her.  Each year of my life I realize new reasons to love my mom more than I did before.  Each phase of my children’s life brings more feelings of admiration and adoration of her.  For so many years I tried to be just like her.  I’m sure it seems a little slow on my part, but I realized just this year that I’m not my mom.  I won’t ever be.  I could spend my whole life striving for a goal that is likely never going to happen.  My mom is one in a million.  Not only will I never fill her shoes, but I just wasn’t given some of the talents and qualities she was.  I am grateful for the few I have been able to replicate and for being given the privilege of being her daughter.

Jason hit the nail on the head with this gift…  Angel food cake (fav cake) iced in yellow (fav color) wrapped in red vines (yes, I love them) and just a sprinkling of milk duds on top.  It was a sight to behold! 

The kids showered me with crafts they had made throughout the week, and a questionnaire from church.  A few highlights:

My mom weighs this much: 200 lbs.    (Jared)                                                                             

My moms fav food is: Salad (Jayce and Lainy!)  If you’ve known me more than 5 minutes, you know anything green isn’t easily ingested.

It has to be enough

We each do the best we can.  My best may not be as good as your best, but it’s my best.  The fact is that we know when we are doing our best and when we are not.  If  we are not doing our best, it leaves us with a gnawing hunger and frustration.  But when we do our level best, we experience a peace.  -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

For me, the thoughts that came to me as I read this today were of judgment.  All to often I am ashamed to say I have been on the offensive end of judging another according to my own abilities.  I assumed those around me should be doing my best.  Unfortunately (or fortunately!) most of whom I have come in contact with don’t have that common flaw thought process.  How kind and non judgmental they have been toward me! 

I have the opportunity to serve in the Young women's program and the differences in the strengths in each member of our presidency are vast. It is all too easy to get caught up in the comparison between us.   My best is certainly not as good as the best of those who I serve with.  I cannot give fluff and décor as one, I am not a trained teacher and cannot give lessons with the same Zing as another, or be as soft spoken and understanding, or be a super camping mama.  I hate camping, my thoughts are often spoken out of order and jumbled, my handouts and visual aids are hit and miss…  But I am doing my best!  And I love those girls and I love the women I work with.  And if Sister Hinckley says that’s enough, then it’s enough! 

The Blast

In preparing Jared and explaining what was going to change once mommy quit doing hair, I told him that we were going to have a blast.  He asked, what did I mean?  I told him that we would be going swimming, bowling, summer movies, going to see Grammy and poppy in Cali regularly, and whatever else we could come up with.  Since then he has asked daily when “the blast” will start.  Today is the blast mom?  Tomorrow does the blast start?  Last weekend was my first free weekend, Jason was home and we thought we would spend some family time.

We hit IHOP (where I had NY cheesecake pancakes DELISH), then the mall where we had an exciting ride (note sarcasm) on a mini train through 1/4 of the mall.  Then a conversation that must be recorded took place outside of the restrooms…  The kids were checking out the payphones built into the wall and thought the clicking noises he buttons made were wonderful.  clickity  clickity  they went giggling along the way running back and forth between the 2 phones and pretend calling one another until I noticed Jayce (age 9) was looking carefully at the phone.  Peering this way and that as if looking for something.  As I approached him receiver in one hand, he asked “Um, how do you X out of this thing?” at that moment Jared ran by, grabbed the phone and hung it up.  Jayce said, “Oh.”  I laughed and laughed.  And laughed.  That must be what my mom felt like when I asked her what an 8 track was… 

After the mall we headed to Skateland and fell on our rears for a whopping half hour until we decided we had had enough.  We played arcade games and laughed for a good long while, hit In n Out for lunch and then headed for the destination that had been asked for the entire day… 

The Dollar Store.  I was tired and falling asleep in the isle.  They had been saving and each had money to spend.  Oh mama, I now have cheap toys littering every floor in my house.  Yay. 

Such a happy day.  I love my sweet family.  Here’s to the beginning of…  THE BLAST.

His Oakley's

Jason has always loved Oakley sunglasses.  For as long as I’ve known him that is all he wears.  His current pair cost well, more than a pair of sunglasses should cost and he has had them for a couple of years.  There have been many near misses when they were nearly lost, swept away, or dropped. 

Well this week he thought he would take in the old Oakley's he has (apparently) had for years, to have the broken arm fixed.  When he relayed this story to me I envisioned a sweet young blonde girl who said ‘like’ multiple times in a sentence…   So he brings these broken glasses in and asks the girl if she might be able to direct him to where to have them fixed.  Picking them up and examining them, she says, “Wow!  Umm, how old are these?   I have worked here for a few years and I have never even seen a pair like this!”   I had a good laugh.  Vintage Oakley's.  Nice.

Give it a rest will ya?

A hunter met a young Indian brave deep in the forest, and noticed that his bow wasn’t strung up. 
“Why don’t you keep that bow strung all the time?”
“If I did, than my bow would lose much of the flexibility that nature has given it, and it might fail me when I need it the most.”
And the hunter went his way believing that the human mind shouldn’t be strung tight all the time, but, like the Indian’s bow it needs relaxation. 

Today is the day.  My last day of “work”.  I know the work never ends as a mother, wife, leader, civilian, etc.  But I have been worried that I won’t be doing enough once I am no longer doing hair.  When I read this little story I realized my poor bow has lost so much of the flexibility that life has given it.  My string has been would so tight for so many years that I forgot that rest is also a necessity.  Wise words of counsel I have been to busy to listen to!

Wrestling with myself

Yet another un-mastered parenting technique. 

The boys are finishing up their wrestling season.  It’s been a lot of fun.  Jayce seems to do well in individualized sports.  And he has enough competitive nature in him to give him the drive he needs when there is a bump to get over. 

Jared is 5.  That explains half of it.  He’s still such a tiny person.   Also, not much competitiveness.  And much to my embarrassment, he’s… my own creation.  He’s the youngest.  The one I’m softest on.  The one who isn’t allowed to be picked on.  The only one home with me all day everyday. Which translates to crying every time he loses a match, gets a minor injury, has his feelings hurt, feels uncomfortable, or blinks.  

Here’s my dilemma.   Do I start now being tough mama (by losing it and yanking him by the ear while in tantrum mode into the hallway) or by kindly and lovingly (and embarrassingly) let him sit out whenever he wants and sniffling?  I tell him suck it up, toughen up and get back out there to which he responds with defiant and loud no! and I hate… (wrestling, the coaches, the mats, the other boys, me) too!  Coach muscle and tattoo sleeves tried to help, talking to him and telling him it will be fun, (which was met with death stares and no’s by Jared) who finally picked him up out of the chair and carried him back to the group.  Jared was ticked. 

Sigh.  I know in 15 years I will sit and laugh as I tell this story to him, but today it makes me tired and worried. 

Thanks for nothin’

For my children:

Thank you bringing home the flu from wherever you got it.  Thank you at least for making it into the bucket.  Please try not to spill it next time when you stand up.  Thank you for feeding yourselves whatever you could reach while I had my fair share of the bucket.  Thank you for taking one AIMS test before you decided you were not quite done and graced the other children at recess with the news by puking on the basketball court.   Thank you for being home from school on the day I was in charge of mutual, and on the day it was scheduled to be at our house.  So, as I listen to you all jumping upon the bed upstairs (health always follows the sound of the days end school bell) please know that I love you and that the hand sanitizer is in the bathroom.

Learn. No matter what you do.

“Education, formal education, is a wonderful thing. No matter the class you may choose to take, learn. Learn as if your life depended on it. Perhaps it will. When you open a new textbook, say to yourself, ‘I want to know what this book has to teach me.’ Learn the thrill of digging for fossils on the mountainside, or working over a test tube until dark, or getting on the trail of something in the library and searching it down feverishly for hours. Be a real student, an intellectually curious student.” – Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I have done hair for 10 years.  It seems such a long and short amount of time.  In 2 short weeks I will sell off most of my hair styling supplies, and focus my efforts elsewhere.  So much sadness is attached to this change.  Loss of friends, schedule, and a small sense of self.  The thought  “Am I as important of a person without being a hair dresser?”  I know, silly and self centered.  But I still own the thought.   

When I read this quote this morning I realized I am whoever I want to be, and will become whatever I invest into myself.  I have a list of talents I want to explore and find out of I possess.  I want to be available to my children more often.  I aspire to have a clean house! 

So to myself…  hello goodbye!

I love me.

Reminder #26

Look at yourself and see what is right instead of what is wrong.

I wish I had internalized this line of thinking as a youth.  It is easy to find the things we don’t like in nearly every life situation.  I tend to whine a lot more than I express gratitude.  And that is exactly what we are doing when we criticize ourselves.  Whining about something we didn’t get.  Or about something that isn’t perfect. 

There is a section in a parenting book I read about counting the number of negative interactions between you and your child, writing them down and doing the same with the positives.  I was shocked at the numbers.

We need to take stock sometimes of our attitudes about ourselves.  Take the time to think about how you view yourself, the way you look, your actions, and then choose to focus solely on everything wonderful about yourself.  It’s refreshing. 

And then climb down off your high horse…   Ü

Too tired

Today’s reminder is quite a bit deeper than I had intended.  I am exhausted and don’t have the mental capacity to do the rest of it justice. So instead, I found reminder #13 to be appropriate for the occasion:

Say a short prayer even when you are too tired to pray.  

G’night.

Déjà vu, Armpit hair and other such things…

Jayce learned a few concepts this week that I found humorous. 

Déjà vu-   We were driving to piano and he quick turned to me and said, “whoa! That was so weird. I just saw… all of these things on the freeway, in my dreams last night.  I think.”  I laughed and tried to explain what he was experiencing (how does one really give an explanation?).  It was really fun to be able to see him try and figure out what he was feeling. 

Also on this same drive we discussed armpit hair.  His legs are getting quite hairy and I mentioned as much.  I told him hair would be arriving at some point, under his arms.  He laughed and said, “I already do!”  (baby hair.  Peach fuzz.) 

Irony-  The kids and I were discussing as we passed a CVS pharmacy, what exactly a pharmacy was.  That they sold drugs.  The good kind, that doctors give you to feel better.  A few minutes passed and Jayce started to giggle.  He said, “we just passed a store called smoke shop,  the kind where they sell the bad drugs, like cigarettes, and they had a no smoking sign in the window.”   I had to laugh that his 9 year old brain caught the irony. 

Reminder #2

Invite the missionaries to your home once a month. 

As a kid the missionaries were in and out of our house like a revolving door.   There is just something about having a person who’s life is dedicated to the Lord 24 hours a day, in your home.  So many tid bits of memories are attached to those young men and women who came through our doors…

-Sitting at our piano (probably 11 years old) next to an Elder playing what was probably a beautiful piece of music, and I would hit a key randomly to be a pain.  Finally, I assume he had had enough of it because he took my hand and bit my finger!  I was shocked into behaving properly and to this day am reminded of just how annoying it is to interrupt a pianist during a song. 

-There was a older woman named Sally who lived down the street and back then the missionaries used to live in a room in her house.  We loved Sally.   She had one of those singing voices where the vibrato is slow and old ladyish.  But I loved it.  She was thin and had exaggerated facial features and chin length grey hair, but she was an angel.  We would hang out at her house (sometimes when no one was home!) and I remember laying on the floor with our feet propped up in the seat of the couch and we would roll silly putty into a ball and throw it against the wall racquetball style.  I never pulled any pranks on Sally, but I am pretty sure Shannon was one of the ones who was in on saran wrapping her toilet or filling it with jello…

-Ashley was from England (I believe).  I don’t remember too much of what he was like as a missionary serving in our area. But I do remember when he brought his new bride back to the states to visit.  They were hilarious.  Driving on the wrong side of the road both on accident and for humor.  Hanging outside in 50 degree weather in shorts and a t-shirt while we were bundled to our toes.  Vanessa (his wife) even took the time to teach Shannon and I to say the name of the longest city.  Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.  Yes. We can still say it. 

We have had the missionaries in our home on too few occasion.  The excuses are many and some are relevant, but I need to work harder at making sure my home is a welcome place to these young men and women who need a meal or a moment.

Hymnnnnn

In an effort to re-boost my desire to keep blogging, I have decided to use a little book of “reminders for Latter Day Saints” as a guide for idea starters.  Todays reminder is:
Share your hymnbook with the person next to you. 
When I was young, singing along with the hymns in church was mandatory.  We are not a musical family by any stretch, but I do believe singing in church is a form of worship, and I need all the help I can get.  As a youth I remember my dad’s rendition of well…  any song we sang.  He was forever ‘forgetting’ where we were in the song and would (along with the correct tune) sing something like “ IIIII don’t knowww where we aaaare.  Thiiiiis song is realllllly looooong.”   To which we would respond with either a burst of giggles (as smaller children) or an eye roll as we got into our teens. 
Today I love singing the hymns.  A few years ago I joined in with the church choir.  I figured I could be one of the filler voices.  I could read music and learned how to harmonize.  I love to sing and just as my mother did, once my kids can read, they can and will sing the hymns.

Heat waves

My butter is melting on the counter. 

I refuse to turn on the air conditioning in March. 

On the up side, my trees have exploded is green sensationalism. (is that a word?)

It’s officially Spring! 

Summer in Arizona

Friendship

Friendship has been on my mind today.  I have been blessed throughout my life with more dear friends than I am sure I deserve.  At each milestone in my life I have had a friend by my side to laugh, cry, or carry me through.  I was made aware recently of a situation of a woman I know feeling very lonely.   Feeling as though she doesn’t have a friend, and feels so isolated at home with her children.  This is when it dawned on me.  How ungrateful I had been.  Here was a gift I had been given my entire life, and I had rarely given it any thought in gratitude.  First, I was brought up in a church where your social framework is practically set up for you.  Second, I was given the gift of gab.  And third, the opportunity to have friends in my home nearly everyday, for hours at a time to talk and get their hair done.  What a giant pile of friendship I have been given!  So to all of you who are my friends from the past or present.   I am grateful for you.   And to my Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me the gift of friendship.

Back in the saddle again

I thought I would wait until things calmed down around here and when schedules slowed down I would get back on the blogging horse.  Well, that’s not happening anytime soon, so when I caught my kids all gathered ‘round a book of photos and memories of themselves, I knew it was time to make time. 

We just came home from a week long trip to visit my parents in CA.  It was a week filled with hiking, trips to the park, many hours with feet propped up on the couch drinking in my latest book,  many many moments of scolding my children, and laughter, naps, waaaay too much fast food, and much needed relaxation. 

Never did go to the beach.  Minutes from the ocean and my kids practically begged to avoid to altogether.  I think we have been in AZ too long.

I miss my mom and dad.  I was ready to get back to the grind after a week though.  It’s nice to stick a pin in the crazy for a few days, but I’m happy to be home.

Best compliment EVER.

Jared: (hugs me) When I’m a dad, I want you to be my wife.

Me: (melting) Ok, but what about dad?  Who would be his wife then?

Jared: He could just find a new wife. 

Me: You won’t want me as a wife by then anyway.  I’ll be old and wrinkly.   

He just smiled. 

Sooplee list

When we were kids,  well probably closer to teenagers, we were traveling in the car together as a family.  I’m probably wrong, but I envision that we were somewhere between California and New York on one of our annual cross country road trips where all the best memories are made.  We took to traveling car games and often read the passing signs.  Shannon read one once that she will never live down…   A sign that read Army Supplies.

 Shannon asked, “Mom?  What are army… sooplies?”   Supplies Shannon, I remember my mother saying through a giggle.  The word supplies has always been connected to that silly little memory.  Not too long ago I heard this from my 7 year old daughter,  Lainy was reading the words written on one of my spray bottles.  "Sally beauty supply"   But she read it, "Sally booty sooplee.  Mom? What are booty sooplees?"

 

10 minutes can change everything.

I have mixed feelings about whether or not every parent should feel the way I felt this afternoon. 

Lainy and Jared ride scooters outside on a regular basis.  We live on a quiet street and I just keep the door open to listen for them.  Today was no different.  Well,  yes it was.  Today I lost and found Lainy.  I came out to Jared telling me that he couldn’t find Lainy.  He said she had crossed the street to pet a dog. She isn’t allowed to cross the street.  Red flag.  He said she followed it.  RED FLAG.  He said it was a dad with the dog.  At that point I was a wild screaming desperate mother running and yelling my sweet girls name.  I called 911 immediately.   They ask you seemingly simple questions. But when you have to tell a 911 operator that your daughter has blonde hair blue eyes and what she is wearing, it is the most terrifying feeling I have EVER felt in all of my existence.  Jayce took off on his bike to scope the closest streets.  He found her around the corner and down the street. She was petting a cat. 

10 minutes. 

She was only gone 10 minutes and it changed me forever.   The police came in record time just to make sure all was well.  He said that there were 30 units en route before we had found her.  My sweet baby.  All 3 of my children came into Lainy’s room while their very emotionally charged mother said words that I am sure they will forget.  But I am sure none of us will forget the feeling we had as we all cried and hugged together in realization of what could have been.  I am immensely grateful for the outcome.  I am grateful that I could learn this lesson without losing my Lainy for longer than 10 minutes.

Food glorious food…

When we were first married and had moved out here to AZ we lived near my sister Shannon and her family.  We had gone to a meeting together about how to start, store, and utilize a year supply of food.  It was a lot of info and my head was swimming.  I felt excited, anxious, and overwhelmed.  I had a small stack of papers in my hand and I knew they would be useful at some point.   Shannon gave me my very first nugget of info for doing something with all of that information… She said, start a food storage file.  Stick those papers in it, it will grow.  Now, 10 years later as I have pulled that file out of its place countless times, I remembered what she had said.  And that file has grown.  It’s a nice big fat file of beautiful information. 

Many of you have heard, or know that Mormons have a goal to store a year supply of food.  It’s quite a task!  In fact, it took me 5 years to even begin because there were so many different ways of planning for it.  Plan by pounds (get 400 lbs. of wheat, get 100 lbs. of corn meal, 150 lbs. of sugar, etc.) plan by meal, (get everything you need for a spaghetti meal and multiply it by 52.)  And then somewhere in between.  Then you have your 72 hour kits, your water supply, toiletries, medicines… the list goes on. 

I am at a point in my life where I just get what I can, when I can.  Sometimes I get ambitious and I organize and plan, roll with it for a while, and then I scrap that plan and try something else!  But, I am getting somewhere.  

Now we have been married for 10 years, I still have my food storage file of information, and I still feel excited, anxious, and overwhelmed by food storage.  It is one of my 2012 goals to get a concrete plan to continue storing and using my year supply. 

“Remember, a year’s supply is not so much a matter of dollars and cents as it is of faith and obedience.”  - Unknown

2012 Calendar

It has become a tradition that one of our 5 siblings  is in charge of creating a calendar for my mom each Christmas.  It was my turn this year…

The idea of spelling out the month with your body seemed easier in my head.  Jess and Tami couldn’t seem to convince their 6 month old to hold still, so we made due…

Here’s to a blessed 2012!

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." Zig Ziglar