mama musings

My friend Codie and I were chatting this afternoon about mothers.  How to be a mother your children want to be around as adults.  We talked about not placing your baggage upon your children, about putting on a happy face when times are tough, and being a ‘safe’ mom. 

It’s overwhelming to think of all the things you need to juggle and balance in order to achieve this relationship with your child.  My mom just sent me a story about a small girl who convinced her mother to throw care to the wind and run through the pouring rain.  These are the moments that matter.  Letting your kids play in the rain (and mud) even when your busy, reading books with them, (when you would rather be sitting quietly on your own reading a book),  playing 52 card pick up, coloring the doghouse with them instead of yelling at them for it, launching marshmallows as a family gathering activity. 

I have a temper, there’s no hiding that fact.  But a thought crossed my mind a while back as I was standing above one of my kids and yelling about probably spilled water.  “Is this problem life altering?”  Usually not.  It doesn’t stop me every time I lose my temper, but it has softened my perspective and slowed my anger dramatically.  We should save our outbursts for things that really deserve it.  Losing a job, or a child, or a house.  Or even a broken window, red spray paint on a garage door, or a baby powder covered bedroom.

J and J on a jet plane

Have I lost this gift?  I think once you are over the age of 10 your brain no longer thinks to cut a steering wheel out of paper, strap on your flying helmet, assemble magnets as a control panel and spend a few minutes flying with your little brother at your side.

Weekend recap

• Baseboards and closet doors installed, after 2 years yeah!
• I had to do the walk through to see if it was done well enough, and I suck at that, so they aren’t right.  Grrr.
• Rained out camping trip with our friends the Hardy's and Allen's.  Darn.
• Had a pool party and BBQ instead with them and it was awesome.
• Made a few too many trips to the bathroom with an upset stomach. 
• Lost 2 pounds, yee haw!
• Spent an afternoon reorganizing the toy room after caulking and painting baseboards. 
• Kids spent hours in it since it’s ‘new’.   A kid kitchen is a delight after being moved to the opposite side of the toy room. 
• Spent 2 hours in the kitchen making fried chicken, gravy, biscuits and potatoes.  (I hardly make real meals,  mostly semi homemade) 
• Heard comments like…   This isn’t cooked all the way.   Can I have ketchup?  Ew, I only want a biscuit.  You have to try it before you get ketchup.  Mom?  What is ketchup?  Oh yeah, the red stuff. 

More for me then.

Survival of the pickiest

I was blessed with a picky eater.  I think it’s punishment.  My poor mom, I’m not sure how I survived most dinnertimes.  I am sure she had to laugh at my talent for disposing of food in creative ways. 

We had these chairs with cane woven bottoms.  And cushions over top of that.  We had mashed potatoes one night when my Grandma was visiting and while she was cleaning up the floor she noticed a pile of worms under a chair.  Upon further investigation I admitted to lifting my cushion and mashing them underneath and through the cane, hence the worms. 

My chair backed up to the stairs,  and under the stairs was open.  Mom used it for stashing things that were in the way.  We didn’t venture back there very often.  So, one night when we had a chicken dish I didn’t care for, I quickly and quietly launched one piece at a time, behind me under the stairs. 

Peas and other small veggies were often wrapped up in a napkin, but most kids have learned that trick by age 3.  I learned how to swallow them whole with a small swig of liquid and continued that for years. 

Pizza.  Oh how I hated the pizza sauce.  (I am sure my sisters are laughing at this point)  You always knew which plate was mine since I would peel up the cheese, wipe off the sauce and sort of wipe it off around the edges of my plate.  As I am writing this, I realize just how big of a pain I was.  Sorry mom.  Revenge is yours in the form of Jayce.

Miss you already

Mom’s moving next month.   Back to Cali.  I am sure she has wondered why I don’t seem to care.  I wondered why I was handling it all so well actually.  But I can feel it coming.  I just keeping pushing the thought aside.  Filling my head with thoughts of the shoreline 10 minutes from her new house.  Reminding myself that she needs to be where my dad is.  If I slow the craziness that is my life, I am sure the emotions will start seeping through the cracks and eventually…   the dam will break.   Damn dam. 

So, to my mom.   I will miss you more now than I have ever in my life.  Your home has been a refuge on countless occasions, your shoulder already heavy laden, has always an open invitation, your dinner table always equipped for extra settings, your candy cupboards always full, and I will miss you terribly. 

That being said.  I know you’re not dying, and we will see you later this summer.  But I will miss you. 

Worry about yourself

We are nearing 3 weeks without a warning.  I actually hold my breath each day as we walk back to the car and I ask how his day was…  Jayce’s teacher has a behavioral system in place where each day that a child doesn’t receive a warning (for turning around, hitting, talking out of turn etc…) they get a sticker on their weekly chart.  This year Jayce has had 4 different weeks when he has gotten all 5 stickers each week.   But never more than a week in a row. 

So as we are nearly to the end of the third sticker riddled week, I have to reflect back to the past 2 years…   Principles office for punching contests with a friend, sand throwing, temper flaring, and making sure a classmate gets what's coming to him when he breaks the rules and isn’t caught by the teacher. 

A common phrase in our home, when one of us is tattling or butting in, is “Worry about yourself”.  Jayce is catching on.  I am so proud of him and his improvements.  He is a joy to have in our home.  Love you buddy.

His quiet way

He has the day off.  I have a few clients scheduled.  I find myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of the normal morning, throw in a load of laundry as I walk by, feed the kids breakfast, all dressed, and ‘Oh? You want to drive him to school?  That would be fantastic, thank you.’  He did a few things on my honey-do list and after a few hours with my client, since the kids sort of run free, the house needed a little TLC.  After a break catching up on a Tivoed show and lunch, I find myself scrubbing baseboards.  We have contractors coming to finish installing them and they need to be cleaned.  This is when it started.  The grudge.  Each time I walked through the office and by Jason with earplugs in watching a movie, my mood got a little darker.  The sweatier I got while scrubbing, it seemed the more unkind I became.  He caught on pretty quickly this time and asked what was wrong.  It was then I realized my selfishness.  And since communication is the key to a happy marriage, I simply said, “I’m not sure why, but when I take a break it’s fine, but when I am working and you are taking a break, I feel like you need to keep up and work too.”   Here’s the kicker.   He simply smiled, turned and walked away.  No back lashing.  No claiming it’s unfair.  No calling me out on how stupid that is.   Just a smile that he knew I was learning.

Mom and me

Last weekend was our families first time participating in the ward’s fathers and sons camping trip.  My boys were thrilled and apparently had a grand time.   No pictures, I forgot to send him with a camera. 

Lainy and I didn’t quite know what to do with the silence.  As soon as the boys walked out the door we turned slowly, like in the movies and looked at each other. 

We reviewed the trailers to several children- themed movies and Lainy decided on Disney’s Earth.

 

SO COOL. 

Since a 4 year old can’t whisper, every comment made was at full volume.   Lots of ooo’s and aaaah’s and a few squeals and panicked squeaks.  We loved it. 

We came home and started in on our make-up. 

She did very well, with the eye shadow, and then blush and even the blending…

She decided her nose was too bare and shadowed it brown.  I drew the whiskers since we were on the brink of character make up anyhow. 

We painted toes and fingers, and watched Happy Feet until we fell asleep in my bed.  Grammy and Poppy invited us to breakfast the next morning.  We were thrilled.   And then stuffed.  I loved spending 24 straight hours with my little girl.  Love you Pretty!

hieroglyphic springs

We found some keys that said they were property of the state, but every number called can’t help.  Wonder what they open?  

All 3 kids did amazing on the hike.   Lainy pooped out near the end, and Jared needed some shouldering, but Jayce pretty much ran the 2 miles there and back. 

I looked up what these holes in the big rock along the way were and they were used by Indians to grind their grains. 

This was where we stopped.  Very cool rocks and much needed shade.  No hieroglyphics inside the cave, but there were a ton on the walls of the mountain nearby. 

The last time we took this hike, I went without a husband to help carry the load, I was 3 months pregnant, Lainy was nearly 18 months old and in a carrier on my back. I was told it was an easy hike and kids could do it. Ha! Not so much.  Meg and Bryan had the pleasure of being in that boat, with 2 little ones to carry the whole time.  Such troopers! 

This time, I had Jason with me, I am not pregnant, and instead of an 18 month old I had to carry Jared on my shoulders here and there. Needless to say I enjoyed this trip a whole lot better.

**We actually took this hike last month when it was not 100 degrees, but I am just now getting around to documenting it.

The itch has passed…

Jason and I are celebrating 8 years of marriage next week, and it will be filled with laughter. No, not because of the disbelief that we made it, but because Jason got us tickets to see Brian Regan! I am thrilled for several reasons. One, I think the guy is hilarious. Two, a very much needed date night. And Three, possibly the most important and best part, is that Jason remembered and planned something.

  

Jason isn't a romantic. He sometimes fumbles over expressing his feelings, and if I'm being honest, sometimes when he means to say something nice, it comes out sounding not so complimentary. I have come to love those moments.  But here's what I have learned in the 8 years since we wed...

• There's no faking. If he tells me I look good, I know I look good.
• When I need him, he is there. Period.
• He can't sleep without snuggling, until he starts twitching, then I'm done.
• His laugh is infectious.
• The man is a machine when it comes to work.
• While on the topic of machines, he works out daily and it pays off. Ü
• He knows the scriptures and loves the gospel.
• He is worthy the take me through the temple.
• He is quick to forgive, but never expects me to forgive quickly of him.
• He's a thinker. It took me a few years to figure out that his silence often just means he hasn't come up with the best answer yet. As much as I spout off as soon as I have a response to something, he takes the time to stop and reflect on what should be done or said. (This is not me saying he is always right, but sometimes he is!)

Thank you Jason for these 8 crazy years together. I love you.