Not so little littles

In 14 years of parenting I have been told that children grow up way too fast.  I had moments when I could relate.  The first day of school, or watching one of them sleep after a particularly tough day, celebrating each birthday, they were fleeting moments.  I felt and acknowledged them, but then I moved forward.  This time the fleeting has lingered.  It's heavier.  It's harder.  Jayce is 14 and his life, his body, his emotions, and his mind have changed dramatically in a matter of months.  I love the young man he has become and I love the age and continue to love each stage he begins.  But I am most certainly in mourning.  I miss his little hands, his little kissable lips, his little boy messiness, I miss his need for his mama.  Jayce was an especially difficult child.  His temper was fierce and fiery.  He was small and freckle faced.  Now i hear him talk and I sometimes forget to listen to what he is saying because I am distracted by the depth in his vocal chords.  His freckles are still there, but softened.  Conversations are more complex.  His humor more timely but still a bit awry.  I felt all of this creeping in as summer came to a close, knowing that as he started high school his life would change.  Today he held a girls hand for the first time.  I watched carefully the emotions crawl across his grinning face as he realized I knew.  We talked.  He shared.  The level of communication between Jayce and I is what every mother hopes for.  He tells me his heart.  He shares with me his sadness, and concerns.  We have built a trusting relationship.  I am so grateful, but I am so very sad.  He grew up too fast.  So fast.