The Run

Mile 1  Adrenaline

Mile 2 Exhilaration

Mile 3 Setting a pace

Mile 4 Getting winded

Mile 5 Reality sets in

Mile 6 Float on through

Mile 7 Kill

Mile 8 me

Mile 9 now

Mile 10 I cried

Mile 11 Anger and frustration

Mile 12 My family found me on the course!  A renewed determination.

Mile 13 The finish line.  Collapse. 

I finished my first 1/2 marathon this weekend.   I wasn’t going to.  I got that anxiety in my chest the day before telling me I had no choice.  I hadn’t trained in weeks.  I knew I wasn’t ready.  But I made it.  2 hours 23 minutes.   I had nothing left.  It was awful and I am so grateful I did it. And you better believe I am doing again, but I will do it prepared.

Battle of wills

For those of you who know me well enough, it won’t surprise you that this post finds me in trouble because of my all too stubborn and strong willed spirit. 

Fortunate or unfortunately (depending on the circumstance) my oldest child has echoed my willfulness.  Tonight it came to a head.  He lost his temper during a video game, and I responded by taking it away for the evening.  His tantrum grew, until he was then grounded for the following day.   It was then the battle ensued. 

His little hands began to make things fly from the countertops to the floor.  It had happened before.  Things had been broken.  My will began to bubble.  And it bubbled over right into his room, where I proceeded to take objects from his shelf and made them fly.  (Softly, just enough to teach a lesson)  but in the chaos, a much treasured little ceramic heart, just acquired from his Grammy not a week before, hit a bit too hard and broke. 

He was rightfully angry, and retaliated in a chaotic vengeful way.  Books flew from the bookshelves.  I knew I had crossed a line.  I quickly found the super glue and tried desperately to glue the broken pieces together.  There were a few splinters missing.  But it was mended.  He came in and seeing it glued back together turned and looked up at me. 

I learned one of the most powerful, regretted lessons in that moment when I said to my son,  “I'm sorry I broke your heart.”  Nothing more was said, and all was forgiven.  I knew in that moment that it was mended, but splinters were missing.

A ray of sunshine

THIS is why I can never move.  Because I have friends like these who leave beautiful sunshiny flowers on my porch when I have a tough week. 

Thank you!!!

Accentuate the positive

 

"I come to you tonight with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. Now I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man or woman who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his or her course. "What I am suggesting is that you turn from the negativism that so permeates our modern society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom you associate, that we speak of one another's virtues more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my wise father would say: 'Cynics do not contribute. Skeptics do not create. Doubters do not achieve.' " – Gordon B Hinckley

Picking up the pieces

I’m sure they wondered where their mom went. Or rather more importantly, who this monster was who has shaken up the day. 

Today was mom-has-lost-it-better-run-while-you-can day.  It’s been a while since she has reared her ugly little head.   I assume my poor children had gotten used to her absence since they all were crying when she blew her top.  Oh, I wasn’t even making sense!  I was yelling and going off on tangents that, as they spewed from my mouth I was inwardly shaking my head thinking how ridiculous I was being.  But I couldn’t stop the train.  I imagine it got started rolling long ago plugging along, until it got going way to fast as it sometimes does.

So, this evening I will clean up my wreck and get back on track.  To my children:  So sorry my little loves.  Sorry you had to be in the wreckage. Love you.

Going without

I know going without TV isn’t really in the category of sacrifice, but I still miss it. 

It was rounding the middle of the night when I saw my husband swoosh past me pulling cords out of TV's and electronics as he went by.  I was practicing playing Mario cart without the distraction of my child kicking my butt, and mentioning how much I suck at the game.  My competitive nature needed to be able to beat that snotty little 7 year old. 

He came through yanking at near all connections to modern technology, mumbling loudly at how much of a distraction- bad prioritizing- waste of time it was and that we needed to take break.  All of my inner connections were screaming no! Gasp. But… my TiVo. But… my shows.  But… my sanity. But… my babysitter.  But… once I came to my senses I had to agree.  We as a family spent way too much time in front of mindless entertainment.

It’s been a few weeks and I still have the urge to just plop down and stare, but we have definitely gotten more done around here, you know, priorities straightening out and all.  Try it, you might surprise yourself.

(we did plug the wii back in the next week, my sanity can only handle so much)

Take what life throws

You know when you work for something, blood sweat and tears (ok, not quite) and you sacrifice to get it?  Say…  an 8 year old does chores for a whole month to earn a new baseball glove.  How will he feel about that glove?  How will he treat it?  As opposed to if your walking along in a store and just hand him a new glove and he says, hey thanks.  That glove in the 2nd scenario is going to end up left outside in the rain and ruined.  While the very same glove that was earned and worked for will be cherished and possible handed down to his son. 

Now slide life in to replace the baseball glove.  Marriage.  Children.  A home.  A church calling.  A degree.  If any of these things came as easily as we sometimes pray they will, would we value them as highly? 

I have learned this week to be grateful for my hard blessings.  They are for my good and my growth.

Wishing and hoping

My sweet little sister made me a wishing star box as part of my (very creative) Christmas present this year.  I used it.  It works!  Let me start way back nine years ago when my gift receiving shanagins began. 

Jason as sweet as he is, is scarily far from being a romantic.  Over the years, I have heard such things on Mother’s Day as “Oh. well. I didn’t know what to get so I just didn't get anything.”  Or on my birthday… “Sooo, you should go pick something out for your birthday.”  Oh he has made progress over the years, take this last Christmas for example.  He sauntered into the kitchen on Christmas Day (mind you, I reminded him several times in the weeks following that we had a $20 budget for one another)  he put his arms around me sweetly from behind, and whispered in my ear, “Your present is in the office.”  I spun around with delight plastered squarely on my face. Could it be? Then he continued his sentence… “It’s pulled up on the computer screen.  It’ll be here in a couple of weeks.”  Really?  REALLY?  Being that he bought me pearls helped the sting of forgetting to get me something until Christmas Day.  So, like I said.  Improvement. 

Back to my wishing star.  It’s a little yellow box shaped like a star and it is filled with teeny tiny slips of paper.  I stuck a wish in it last week, and it materialized right on my desk! The man checked the wishing star!  How many leaps and  bounds does that count for?   A LOT in my book! 

P.S.- Love BBW’s new ‘p.s. I love you’ collection…

Cellular Etiquette

We’ve all been there.   Behind that annoying person in front of you ordering food who can’t seem to get his order out because the guy on the other end of the phone convo says something funny.  Or the girl who is your cashier who you know isn’t supposed to be chattering away at work, scans all of your purchases, hands you your change, and you head out the door without so much as a word?  Today I had one such interaction, at church of all places.  Sitting in Gospel Doctrine class and the lady in the back row is taking a phone call!  She had cupped the phone and was doing her very best (ha!) to speak in muted tones, but I could head loud and clear the one on the other end!  I could swear our poor instructor had lost his train of thought, and I certainly wasn’t the only one who noticed.  C’mon people!  Unplug or you may find someone doing for you!

 

Grin and bear it

 

See that?  It’s a grin.  It’s appearance is rare on his little face.  I had to dig to find a picture with him smiling in it. 

I mentioned to Lainy several times before I left the kitchen to please eat her snack up to the table.   Jared came in to me quickly to share that indeed, Lainy had sauntered to the couch to munch.  I gave a quick yell, “Lainy! Get up to the table”  As I did so, I saw the slight upturn of Jared’s lip curl into a smile. 

Little Stinker. 

He enjoyed tattling a few more times,and listening to me call to her to head back to the table before Lainy called in to me, “Mom?  How do you know exactly when I am eating on the couch??”

 

Swift kick in the pants

Do-not-want-to-run. Do-not-want-to-run. Do-not-want-to-run. 

I am in a slump.  I have two HUGE races coming at the end of this month and next, and I have ZERO motivation.  I need someone to kick me or give me a good shove to wake me up. 

Evacuate the dance floor?  I think so. 

Lean on me

Jared’s car seat was out of commission and while using a side-less booster, fell asleep and the head bobbing began.  Jared, this is for you as proof of how much your sister loves you.  She sat in this uncomfortable position for 15 minutes (and still managed to watch the TV!) and kept your head from falling forward.

And my burden is light

They are a select few.  They remain consistent.  I would like very much become one of them.   I speak of those who readily volunteer their thoughts in Gospel Doctrine each Sunday afternoon.  I have a steady stream of my own thoughts but each time I resolve to make them known, my arms turn to solid concrete.  Then someone else makes their point and I inwardly kick myself because my line of thought was so much more relevant.  (ha ha)   Someday.  

And while on the subject, something that has become somewhat of a Sunday annoyance. When a teacher asks a room full of adults ‘who might volunteer for an opening or closing prayer?’   Not a hand is raised.  Of course until someone from the group steps in.  I leaned over to Jason and mentioned, no vowed to always stick my concrete hand up and never allow prayer to become a burden again.  Hey, maybe it will catch on and instead become a race.

Bittersweet

Sweet isn’t it? 

Too bad it’s forced affection.  A great form of punishment on road trips when you can’t separate them.

Hike ‘em up

I know it looks like we are walking through the land of desolation with a coyote trailing us, but in our town we call it hiking in the San Tans with our dog Flapjack.  Its about a mile from our house and we loved it.  Lainy started to complain that her legs hurt and could we please carry her about 30 seconds after we got out of the car. 

Jayce is quite the outdoorsman.  When we had gone about 45 minutes and were going to turn around to head back, he was ticked that we had not ‘been hiking’ yet.  What did he think we were doing out there?   So, Jason headed off trail and straight up the side of the mountain.  Jayce was happy.  I was not. 

Pretty cool place though.

Invites for Shell

The invitations are finished!

Shelley is due in a few short weeks and we are crossing our fingers that little Hailee stays put until then!

Lainy turns 5

 Lainy bug Lainy bug

Look how you’ve grown!

Just yesterday a baby

And today a little lady.

Your zest for life contagious

your smile wide and bright.

What would we do without you?

I love you with all my might!

Lainy, I am so grateful to be your mother.  You teach me so many things.  Never lose the joy that exudes from you in everything you do.  I love you pretty girl.  Happy Birthday!

Family trip 2009

We headed out that Friday afternoon to St George.  We got to the hotel a full 5 minutes before the bachelorette party ended.  The next morning we went the the temple sealing and the reception that night.  I wish I had taken more pictures of Mike’s restaurant-  it looked AMAZING.   

We spent 2 days there seeing a bit of Zion’s national park and then made our way up to Shannon’s in Logan.  There was a little bit of this…

And a tad of this…

And just a sprinkling of THIS! 

We celebrated mine and Lainy’s birthdays there and Jason took it upon himself to make me a special cake…

When Shannon and I left he had begun the cake, when we got home we poked around the kitchen looking for it’s hiding place, wondering why we couldn't smell it.  Jason was sitting quietly on the couch when we found the remains of batter in the trash. He started out well until while mixing noticed the weird consistency of the batter.  It was a little oily.  He doubled the oil and forgot the water.  Whoops.  I am grateful for the effort! 

We stayed with Jake and Kyra (thank you!!)   And if you remember this little guy Brenden who is not so little anymore!  We had a grand time and froze a bit more up in Washington.  Thanksgiving was spend with the Stolworthy side and it was divine. 

Lainy got quite attached to Gpa Chad this time.   Had to nearly peel her away with good-byes. 

The boys had their day with guns up on his dad’s property.  I stayed clear.  9 years and I still don’t so so well with it all. 

The trip home was 22 hours and we went straight through.  Ugh.  I was ready to jump ship. 

As you can see, the car ride took it’s toll on the kids too- not sure how we got this beauty captured. 

Silence is golden

I woke up this morning and my voice was no where to be found.  It’s nearing 9 am and I am quickly realizing the advantages to this little cold.  First, only the child who had to go to school arose early and since I couldn’t talk he followed suit and whispered himself.  In turn, the two little ones slept until 15 minutes ago when I nearly dragged them from their slumber.  They also have taken to whispering.  Whisper through breakfast, whisper to each other.   My house seems very….   reverent.  I may milk this one….

Climb every mountain

It’s been uphill.   And downhill.  We’ve gone around the hill and sometimes barreling through it.  At least my marriage has.  But here’s what I have learned so far.  As you are climbing this mountain together, stumbling and falling, helping each other up, and sometimes tripping the other with vengeance,  it is crucial to remember to stop and look around you.   Look how far you have come.  See the beauty from above and just breathe it in. 

You can’t climb mount Everest without first climbing much smaller feats.  There are days when we feel as though we did it.  We reached the top and it feels glorious!  We stop and look around us, clinging to each other in awe that we made it.  Only to turn around and see yet a larger mountain we must defeat. 

In answer to many prayers at a trial some time in my life I was given the answer that we as a couple needed to experience this in order to be prepared for what is to come.  Not all of us may need to climb mount Everest, but we sure need to be prepared to do so.