I’ve got a feelin’. Woo hoo.

I had forgotten how much I loved that feeling.  Craved that feeling.  The one where you can feel the finish line pulling in you faster, stronger to cross over it.  That feeling of giving everything you have, wondering how you will ever make it.  And then it hits you.  This rush, it sends tingles all through my body and forces my mouth into a smile.  This is the moment I love running for.  It’s a high, a rush, this adrenaline.  It happens again when you are approaching the finish line.  Even though you have given everything you have, somehow your mind makes up for the lacking and you propel yourself through it trying to drink it all in.  Not the crowd, or even the clock.  It’s that power.  The feeling that you pushed and worked hard enough.  You finished. 

I have always been a runner.  I have always loved it.  But you might recall last January, I ran a race my mind and body wouldn’t soon forget.  13.2 excruciating miles without proper training.  It was awful.  I hated running that day.   I wondered when that would wear off and I would hit the pavement again. Today is 7 months.  I can honestly say I hadn’t felt that tingle, that drive to run for 7 months. 

Today I felt it.  It was somewhere deep inside that I felt that urge.  To get home as fast I could, and get on the treadmill.  And I ran.  For a whopping mile, before I puked.   The assumption that a couple miles would feel great was quite short lived.  I ran one more mile and vowed to do better tomorrow.  I know I will get there.  I miss that wonderful sweaty feeling of adrenaline flowing through my veins. And I will run that half marathon again in January.  And this time I’ll be ready. 

Doooo your ears hang low….

We have had this competition conversation between children many times before.  Can you flare your nostrils?  They then proceed to flare their very best nostril flare, and can you curl your tongue? And all the little tongues get a bit crazy then ultimately it ends up with the master of all facial wiggling… who can wiggle their ears.  Oh the whole back seat tried their darndest, but  everything but the ears were doing the wiggling.  This is Lainy’s very favorite part, for she can wiggle her little ears.  And after a humble display she mentioned that when she is sad, she puts her ears down like Flapjack. 

When I grow up

Lainy was creating something important with magnetics and Jared was at her heels trying to swipe them to make his own creation.  She quickly pulled them out of reach and said, “Hey! I am going to be a scientist!”  Pause. 

“Or a cowgirl.  Or a nail polish painter.” 

She just may end up being all three!

Too much can kill you.

Some rain can be a good thing.  In fact, it’s a necessity.  But too much of a good thing?

There are times when it feels like a steady rain giving just enough discomfort to form annoyance.

It seems manageable enough, it’s just a little rain.  You grab your umbrella and continue on your way. 

It doesn’t get any heavier, that’s good.  Just a constant drizzle.  Harmless right?  No breaks, but not the worst you’ve seen.  So you keep going. 

After a while you realize it’s getting harder to move around.  Takes more effort to walk in the same constant drizzle you thought wasn’t so bad.  So you put your boots on. 

Ok, boots help.  The rain hasn’t stopped.  Or gotten worse.  So now you are wearing boots and carrying the umbrella and going about your normal business. 

Soon you notice it’s up to your knees and it’s starting to flow making your progress a bit harder against the forming current.  Still the rain isn’t coming down any harder, but not letting up either. 

So you lean forward and keep going.  You still have strength left.

The longer it rains, the higher it goes.   Your waist, then your chest, until eventually you’re up to your neck in this once seemingly bearable water. 

You realize you must now find shelter or you will drown.  Why didn’t you do it while you had the chance?   Somehow this small task of walking in the rain has become this huge burden and you didn’t even notice until you nearly drown.

Must’ve done something right

Jayce turned 8 this month and hit the water. 

Was dunked. 

Submerged. 

Got wet. 

My baby was baptized. 

I asked him later that day if he felt different at all.  He responded yes, something just feels different.   I am so proud of him for the young man he has become.  So far from the screaming kindergartener, now such an independent.  And I have the wrinkles and sprinkled grey hair to vouch for it. 

And on the other end of the big birthday-  this was the crazy group we took to Makutu’s Island for the afternoon to celebrate.  

And the burger and fries cake Jayce has been asking for, for 2 years finally made its appearance. 

It was a good day. 

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

The Effort Theory

When babies are born they seem to know when you aren’t trying hard enough to care for them.  Crying endlessly while you try and snuggle them while sitting on the couch or in the rocker.  Once you stand and walk and bounce the crying stops.  Once you begin to make the effort, they respond.  It carried on into toddlerhood.  Your 2 year old won’t play with the blocks unless you are by his or her side.  And now with my children.  

Summer has been quite long this year.  And at 115 degrees, boredom can rear it’s ugly head.  My kids are generally fantastic independents, since I work from home.  But even they can succumb to the grueling days stuck indoors.   And so the effort theory creeps into play.   Family Fun magazine saves the day on many occasion.  (Here you can find a subscription for less than $5 a year!)  But today we broke out the cookies and icing.  Viola!  Happy children.  Just needed a little effort.

Is she dancing? Is she running?

I do believe I have just rediscovered my love for running.  I have always loved running.  Earlier this year I ran a race that robbed me blind of that love.  And dare I say it disappeared for nearly 6 months. 

Until today. 

Today I found that love.  It reappeared in the form of…  dance.  I hopped up on the trusty treadmill to begin a boring couple of miles and discovered if I set the pace slow enough I could actually dance!  I am sure if I was viewed by the outside world while treadmill grooving, not a soul would label it dance.  But it sure is a lot of fun!  If you can ignore the screen telling you it’s taking you 15 minutes to run (dance) a mile, and know you are burning more than 50 calories in that time, your sweatiness will be proof enough.  Oh yes, and be sure to shut and lock the door.  As awesome as I felt, I am honest enough with myself to know that if my husband saw me… well, my attractiveness level would go down a couple of notches.

California Craziness

Raise your hand if you too have gone on a jammed packed fun memorable vacation with your camera nearby and were just too lazy to take pictures?  Me me! 

We headed to Cali a few weeks ago for my brothers wedding and figured we would make a vacation out of it.  Thanks mom for letting us crash and create mayhem in your house for a week! 

Monday – Beach.   

Tuesday – Disneyland.  Ugh.  Crazy amounts of people.  Weaving through the streets, stood in lines for hours.  There were highlights… The Dance parade and a few rides.   The kids begged to go home after a few hours.

 

This was them smiling after we agreed to cut our losses and head home early. 

Dad and Jayce on It’s a small world.  Aww. 

 

This giant marble ball was resting perfectly on a base with water so you could spin it if you really got it going. 

I want one. 

Got back to mom’s to learn Flapjack had a tapeworm. Gag.

Wednesday – Took Flap to the vet, fixed the problem.  Swam at mom and dad’s.  Relax. 

Thursday – 6 Flags Magic Mountain.  We took Jayce and went with Shannon/Ethan and cousins. 

SO FUN. 

SO CRAZY. 

So NOT what I remember. 

When did I get so old I was afraid of roller coasters? Oh I went on them, but I didn’t like it.  Ok, it was such a rush.  I closed my eyes most of the time.  Ok, all the time.  Jayce loved the crazy rides.  We might have to make this a yearly adventure for him. 

 

These two were a bit too short to ride a couple of the crazy rides so we hit jet stream 5 or 10 times and Ninja at least as many times, 4 of them without even getting off the ride in between.  Yowza. 

We got lucky with timing and got a photo shoot in with these guys. 

Friday/Saturday was the rehearsal dinner for the wedding and the rehearsal ceremony on the beach. And then of course the real deal.  Lainy was a flower girl along with her cousin Rylee.   You would think I would have taken a picture right?  Ah no.   Not even one.  Mother of the year award right here.  Pin it on me.  The girls did great walking down the isle, dropping pedals simultaneously and danced the night away at the reception.  Tami, you looked AMAZING.  Welcome to the fam!  You’re stuck with us now! Congrats you two, we love you!

Their world

Monsters, birds, aliens and cats.   You name it and I have probably had it in my house this week.   Jared has a wild imagination.  I looked down yesterday to see him nuzzling up against my leg, would not respond to ‘Hi Jar’,  no I had to scratch his neck and call him chili (our no longer cat).  Today his flapping wings made their landing around dinner time and I had to put an end to the tweet tweeting for fear my head might explode.  His voice didn’t waver as he quietly told me through the bathroom door that there was a monster in the kitchen.  Or another day that our house had been eaten by a monster with clouds inside it’s body.  I even heard about his friend, “invisible Jared 2”.  He has endless adventures climbing up the stairs of clouds, and onto the sun, or something as basic of course as a mom and dad.  Lainy tends to follow his lead and add her feminine flair.  What a world they get to live in. 

Coming through, coming through… Make way for the light!

We’ve all had them.  The days/months (sometimes years) that can only be described as black.   You might feel empty sad angry mean disappointed  frustrated hopeless uncontrolled…   They suck.  Those days seem to take you by the throat and hold you down juuust until you think you can’t breathe a second more, and yet… you do. 

We all have different strengths.  And on those black days we all dig down to cling to that strength to help pull us out of the darkness.  I’m a fighter.  I like a challenge, especially if I know that when I overcome that challenge I will come out even stronger.  I do things loudly and face to face. 

But don’t be fooled, there are those with quiet strength.  They fight without anyone even knowing. 

It is easy to let these days overtake us, direct and determine our time.  Don’t.

Marjorie Pay Hinckley said; “Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a battle.”   And “The trick is to enjoy life.  Don’t wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.”   I add my amen to that.

Double the trouble, double the fun

These two are in cahoots together more often than not.   It usually involves a mess and laughter, which often ends in some form of discipline. 

Once in a while they slow down long enough and end up something like this…

Yes, they are asleep.  I hope things like this never cease with these two.

Little people, Big blessings

So many posts I could be writing but I keep coming back to my little people.  I imagine I am feeling a little nostalgic  since I just finished my first blog book and I relived quite a few memories, and as a mother I think of my children often, but I just really feel like I need to put my feelings about my children on paper tonight. 

When I am away from one or all of my kids I miss them.  When one of them walks by me without some form of affection, I ask for it.  The grouchiness of a child screams to me I just need some extra love!  I don’t like being the parent who’s the last to leave the child’s room for the night because I just want to stay and snuggle, or read, or talk with them. 

I know this isn’t my reality all of the time.  But it has been this week.  Anger over a box of Tide being thrown about fizzled quickly,  Nesquick mistaken for sand on my kitchen floor was swept up with only a warning, a power struggle resulted in a nice, needed talk, soaking wet feet/socks/sneakers after stepping into the wishing fountain, ok well I was a little peeved at that one…  anyhow, I guess I’m saying I love my little people and all of their little emotions and curiosities.   I simply can’t live without them.

Hanging on this moment

I am so grateful my mom urged me (constantly) to keep a journal.  There are so many amazing and some scarily embarrassing stories and thoughts in them I have forgotten. 

I started Jayce on his tonight and just to give him a little push I got some of mine out from when I was his age.  Then I spent an hour reading through it.  Ü 

Then I flipped through a few more and found the months when I first met Jason, 10 years ago.  So many feelings written that are amazing to relive. 

No judging my scribbled words k? 

Falling head over heels

walking on a cloud

fluttering in my stomach

hanging by a moment

staring in disbelief

living in complete happiness

words can’t begin to compensate or explain the love that has begun to develop within me.  It is a love far greater than I ever hoped-

his smile- I melt

his laughter- my smile

his touch-my chills

his kiss- my yearning

his thoughts- my wonder

his love- precious.

Jason and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this month and I still feel these emotions when I am with him.  They have deepened and grown.

The sexiest man alive

 is currently sweeping and mopping my whole house.  He has learned early on that rippling muscles and rock hard abs are not the key to this woman’s heart, but a clean house and piney fresh smell, will get you a whole lot farther. 

Sigh.  I love this man. 

Unbelievable.

I have done some stupid things in my life. And I thought riding a motorcycle on the freeway without a helmet in a tank top was among some of the dumber things done in life,  but when we pulled up next to her and I saw a DOG in her lap I had to get a picture.   We had to follow her off the freeway to get a good pic.  Does she think that little strap tied to her waist is going to help?

I’m lovin’ it!

I love today. 

I love to set my alarm for 6 am just in case I want to wake earlier than my kids and then hit the snooze button 10 times.  I love snuggling back under the covers knowing nothing urgent is beckoning me to get out of bed.  I love thinking I have the whole day to get my war zone back under control, yet knowing I won’t make much of a dent in it since today is my day to relax, and I will probably take advantage of it.  I love thinking of the select few tivo-ed shows I will get to watch off and on throughout the day.  I love looking at my calendar for the day and seeing a blank space. 

I am so grateful for my life.  I love my kids and the busyness, craziness, and messiness they travel with.  I love my job and the wonderful people I get to converse with on a daily basis.  I love that my husband has a great job, and that he has the privilege to go to school and gain knowledge.  I love that I have the gospel in my life and feel so blessed to be a part of it. 

It is these things that also make me LOVE a day like today!

The hills are alive

It wasn’t too long ago that I realized none of my kids knew what I was singing when I burst into song by Fraulein Maria.  Today we sat through The Sound of Music together.  I was singing at the top of my lungs, lost in so many moments.  My kids didn't seem to care.  They were thrilled that they knew the Do Re Mi song from music class.  I LOVE musicals.  My husband dislikes them just as much.  Grrr.  I want my kids to crave music.  To feel its power.  They all loved it!  Next stop…   My Fair Lady!

Screeeeech

Halt.  You there.  Stop your growing. 

Jayce has been on my mind a bit more than the usual lately.  This toothless, skinny, hysterical-at-all-times child is growing up without even consulting me.  I find myself sneaking in extra hugs and kisses (of course not in public) or just wanting to be near him.  This is his year.  The year he is shiny and new.  Well, he has always been shiny to me, but this year the rest of the world is seeing him sparkle.  He is learning how to be funny without the annoyance, clever in the right setting, polite when necessary, and eating without complaint.  Thank goodness those youthful freckles aren’t fading.  This is the year he has realized his sister is not too shabby, that cleaning up after himself is way easier than getting in trouble for not doing so, that even though you (and your mother) can’t stand your teacher, sometimes you gotta suck it up and learn anyway.  So to my Jayce, I am so proud of who you are becoming and the choices you make,

but please, please slow down!!

Wascally wabbits

This is what I found when looking for the quote about chasing 2 rabbits and losing both. (Amazing advice.)   Which by the way, is my LIFE.  Sometimes I get a mouth full of grass in the process, but here’s the thing.  Yes, there are 2 rabbits, yes, chances are that they will both get away.  You see, my brain doesn’t allow for letting one go.   I need them both.  The trick is to enjoy the chase.  Grab some flowers as you slide through the fence,  run through the sprinklers, do a little twirling, maybe get your exercise in while en route, sometimes you just plain forget what you are running after,  but eventually you catch a glimpse of one or both of your goals and your back on track.  Here’s my point.  Maybe life isn’t about finishing everything you start.   Maybe the trick is learning from the journey.  Plus, if you have friends like mine, there are times when you have 2 people chasing 2 rabbits and that really helps.

Jumbo mess

Thank you Kathy for this:

and the other lovely things you sent my way, (including your wisdom!)

I attempted to make one of these babies the day after it arrived, for my mom’s birthday.  It turned out pretty cute.  Like a giant cupcake.  Pictures you ask?  Oh, we will get there.  We were meeting at the park, so into the car it went.  Lainy struggled to hold onto it without tasting it every few seconds, so in the front seat it went.  I called Kathy to thank her and let her know I had already made good use of it.  Before that sentence escaped my lips, I had taken a corner too sharp and down it went. 

So there is your picture.

And Happy Birthday mom.