Coming through, coming through… Make way for the light!

We’ve all had them.  The days/months (sometimes years) that can only be described as black.   You might feel empty sad angry mean disappointed  frustrated hopeless uncontrolled…   They suck.  Those days seem to take you by the throat and hold you down juuust until you think you can’t breathe a second more, and yet… you do. 

We all have different strengths.  And on those black days we all dig down to cling to that strength to help pull us out of the darkness.  I’m a fighter.  I like a challenge, especially if I know that when I overcome that challenge I will come out even stronger.  I do things loudly and face to face. 

But don’t be fooled, there are those with quiet strength.  They fight without anyone even knowing. 

It is easy to let these days overtake us, direct and determine our time.  Don’t.

Marjorie Pay Hinckley said; “Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a battle.”   And “The trick is to enjoy life.  Don’t wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.”   I add my amen to that.

Double the trouble, double the fun

These two are in cahoots together more often than not.   It usually involves a mess and laughter, which often ends in some form of discipline. 

Once in a while they slow down long enough and end up something like this…

Yes, they are asleep.  I hope things like this never cease with these two.

Little people, Big blessings

So many posts I could be writing but I keep coming back to my little people.  I imagine I am feeling a little nostalgic  since I just finished my first blog book and I relived quite a few memories, and as a mother I think of my children often, but I just really feel like I need to put my feelings about my children on paper tonight. 

When I am away from one or all of my kids I miss them.  When one of them walks by me without some form of affection, I ask for it.  The grouchiness of a child screams to me I just need some extra love!  I don’t like being the parent who’s the last to leave the child’s room for the night because I just want to stay and snuggle, or read, or talk with them. 

I know this isn’t my reality all of the time.  But it has been this week.  Anger over a box of Tide being thrown about fizzled quickly,  Nesquick mistaken for sand on my kitchen floor was swept up with only a warning, a power struggle resulted in a nice, needed talk, soaking wet feet/socks/sneakers after stepping into the wishing fountain, ok well I was a little peeved at that one…  anyhow, I guess I’m saying I love my little people and all of their little emotions and curiosities.   I simply can’t live without them.

Hanging on this moment

I am so grateful my mom urged me (constantly) to keep a journal.  There are so many amazing and some scarily embarrassing stories and thoughts in them I have forgotten. 

I started Jayce on his tonight and just to give him a little push I got some of mine out from when I was his age.  Then I spent an hour reading through it.  Ü 

Then I flipped through a few more and found the months when I first met Jason, 10 years ago.  So many feelings written that are amazing to relive. 

No judging my scribbled words k? 

Falling head over heels

walking on a cloud

fluttering in my stomach

hanging by a moment

staring in disbelief

living in complete happiness

words can’t begin to compensate or explain the love that has begun to develop within me.  It is a love far greater than I ever hoped-

his smile- I melt

his laughter- my smile

his touch-my chills

his kiss- my yearning

his thoughts- my wonder

his love- precious.

Jason and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this month and I still feel these emotions when I am with him.  They have deepened and grown.

The sexiest man alive

 is currently sweeping and mopping my whole house.  He has learned early on that rippling muscles and rock hard abs are not the key to this woman’s heart, but a clean house and piney fresh smell, will get you a whole lot farther. 

Sigh.  I love this man. 

Unbelievable.

I have done some stupid things in my life. And I thought riding a motorcycle on the freeway without a helmet in a tank top was among some of the dumber things done in life,  but when we pulled up next to her and I saw a DOG in her lap I had to get a picture.   We had to follow her off the freeway to get a good pic.  Does she think that little strap tied to her waist is going to help?

I’m lovin’ it!

I love today. 

I love to set my alarm for 6 am just in case I want to wake earlier than my kids and then hit the snooze button 10 times.  I love snuggling back under the covers knowing nothing urgent is beckoning me to get out of bed.  I love thinking I have the whole day to get my war zone back under control, yet knowing I won’t make much of a dent in it since today is my day to relax, and I will probably take advantage of it.  I love thinking of the select few tivo-ed shows I will get to watch off and on throughout the day.  I love looking at my calendar for the day and seeing a blank space. 

I am so grateful for my life.  I love my kids and the busyness, craziness, and messiness they travel with.  I love my job and the wonderful people I get to converse with on a daily basis.  I love that my husband has a great job, and that he has the privilege to go to school and gain knowledge.  I love that I have the gospel in my life and feel so blessed to be a part of it. 

It is these things that also make me LOVE a day like today!

The hills are alive

It wasn’t too long ago that I realized none of my kids knew what I was singing when I burst into song by Fraulein Maria.  Today we sat through The Sound of Music together.  I was singing at the top of my lungs, lost in so many moments.  My kids didn't seem to care.  They were thrilled that they knew the Do Re Mi song from music class.  I LOVE musicals.  My husband dislikes them just as much.  Grrr.  I want my kids to crave music.  To feel its power.  They all loved it!  Next stop…   My Fair Lady!

Screeeeech

Halt.  You there.  Stop your growing. 

Jayce has been on my mind a bit more than the usual lately.  This toothless, skinny, hysterical-at-all-times child is growing up without even consulting me.  I find myself sneaking in extra hugs and kisses (of course not in public) or just wanting to be near him.  This is his year.  The year he is shiny and new.  Well, he has always been shiny to me, but this year the rest of the world is seeing him sparkle.  He is learning how to be funny without the annoyance, clever in the right setting, polite when necessary, and eating without complaint.  Thank goodness those youthful freckles aren’t fading.  This is the year he has realized his sister is not too shabby, that cleaning up after himself is way easier than getting in trouble for not doing so, that even though you (and your mother) can’t stand your teacher, sometimes you gotta suck it up and learn anyway.  So to my Jayce, I am so proud of who you are becoming and the choices you make,

but please, please slow down!!

Wascally wabbits

This is what I found when looking for the quote about chasing 2 rabbits and losing both. (Amazing advice.)   Which by the way, is my LIFE.  Sometimes I get a mouth full of grass in the process, but here’s the thing.  Yes, there are 2 rabbits, yes, chances are that they will both get away.  You see, my brain doesn’t allow for letting one go.   I need them both.  The trick is to enjoy the chase.  Grab some flowers as you slide through the fence,  run through the sprinklers, do a little twirling, maybe get your exercise in while en route, sometimes you just plain forget what you are running after,  but eventually you catch a glimpse of one or both of your goals and your back on track.  Here’s my point.  Maybe life isn’t about finishing everything you start.   Maybe the trick is learning from the journey.  Plus, if you have friends like mine, there are times when you have 2 people chasing 2 rabbits and that really helps.

Jumbo mess

Thank you Kathy for this:

and the other lovely things you sent my way, (including your wisdom!)

I attempted to make one of these babies the day after it arrived, for my mom’s birthday.  It turned out pretty cute.  Like a giant cupcake.  Pictures you ask?  Oh, we will get there.  We were meeting at the park, so into the car it went.  Lainy struggled to hold onto it without tasting it every few seconds, so in the front seat it went.  I called Kathy to thank her and let her know I had already made good use of it.  Before that sentence escaped my lips, I had taken a corner too sharp and down it went. 

So there is your picture.

And Happy Birthday mom.

It’s time for some change

This is typical me.   I do something at full speed for as long as I can possibly go and then I quit.  The more I thought about this logic, the more I realized it’s truthfulness. 

When I clean, I clean like a madman as much as I can, and then I don’t clean at all for weeks.  (besides, picking up and bare minimum.)

When I run, I love to sprint as hard and as fast as my body will take me and then I walk.  And when I do take to running, I will run for a few months nearly everyday.  Then I just stop.  For months. 

Blogging.  I blog consistently, then I stop completely.  

I even do it with work.  I cram in as much as I can- eat sleep breath hair (gross) until I crash and inevitably the words “I quit” escape my mouth every couple of months. 

And if you know me even slightly, you have heard the never ending cycle of, “I’m moving. No we’re staying forever.  No now we are moving.   Nope, we are staying.  We are REALLY moving.  We would never leave here.”

Change.  I thrive on change.  That must be it.

No Drama Mama

She says I’m calm.  (laughter)  She thinks I am patient.  (snicker) 

I love this girl.  Meet Candace. My sweet sis-in-law who is staying with me and my family for a bit.  She is funny, and spontaneous, and healthy (holy cow, she is healthy!) she’s passionate, fiery, and loving.  She has two sweet angels, John and Blazer.  And of course, her man, JJ.  (Jason’s little bro) 

In the few weeks they have been here I have learned more than a thing or two.  When I assumed I would be playing the part of the example-er, I learned more than a thing or two from watching this young mama of two…

• enjoy my children at all times
• patience goes a long way
• look for the positive in my kids
• less sugar really does make a difference in children! (wow.) 
• Studying the scriptures no matter what your beliefs, should be like drinking water in the desert.
• Judging is a no no. 

None if this was learned by her cramming it down my throat or even mentioning it casually.   It was all by her example in my home.  I have come to really love this family.  And not just because she thinks I’m calm.  Which I love.  Give it a few more weeks… she’ll come around.

Catapults and Dancing

Nice eh?

Knocked down a level

When Jayce was 5 and getting ready to begin Kindergarten my wise sister-in-law Kathy gave me a much needed head’s up.  She said, “are you prepared to take a back seat and not have all the answers?”   Huh?   “Once your kid starts school, you become second in command after the teacher.  If the teacher says something is true and you feel otherwise, the teacher trumps mom.”

This info has since been proven accurate many times over.  Lainy is now preparing to enter the same doom school.  She began a little early with this convo yesterday…

L: When Tessa chews gum, she chews it so long that it just disappears.

M: Mmm,  usually if you chew gum too long it just gets small and hard. 

L: No, Tessa said, mom.  It’s Tessa’s gum and it disappears. 

M:  Ok, she is probably right then.

L: She IS right.

Children’s Museum

 

***PICTURES AHEAD*** Explanations if necessary. 

Pizzeria with cloth pizzas and toppings

This was a loft with plastic half pipe lining the walls and you dropped baseballs from this platform to watch them roll around the perimeter of the room.  Lainy apparently had something they all wanted!

At the carwash yeah.  

A shoe-in for a favorite spot…

Sorry Shell, I know you are not a huge fan of this picture, but it’s all I had, for documentation purposes of course! Thanks or spending such a fun day with me. (I swear I won’t post your noodle forest picture without permission.)

Jared was in supermarket heaven here.  He expressed a deep desire to either stay forever or return home with his grocery cart.

Ice cream you scream, please don’t eat the foam ice cream!

Racetracks that wound around from a top floor to the ground, as did my children. 

 

This was a result of catching a glimpse of…

The noodle forest!   Easily the favorite location of the day.

 

So many stops to take the time and just be silly!

Even Shelli got in on the crazy!

This little beauty was a fun one,  it had air constantly running through it and you popped one of these balls in and it shot through…

another opening and went sailing through the air only to be followed by peals of laughter and a race to retrieve it and start again.

Jared was not a fan of being photographed, this was in the fort-making room, and he permitted me to snap this one. 

The clan, minus Jared for aforementioned reasons. 

 

The utensil cloud.  Very cool. 

 

F words

As we made our rounds at the dinner table tonight telling the best part of our day, Lainy’s was “Learning the letter “F” at school” 

I asked her what words began with F that she learned at preschool.  A list ensued…

Frog (Lainy)

Fantastic (mom)

Flight (Jayce)

Funny (mom)

Frrrroundle (Lainy)

Fast (Jayce) 

Flink (Lainy) 

I Farted.  (Jared)

Sigh.

Rambling

I wish I had the ability to explain something I am passionate about to a person without overwhelming them. (i.e. The gospel, running, or Thrive the new food storage company I am promoting) I tend to just chatter my way through an explanation until I realize I have said too much, in an unorganized manner until they get that glazed over look and have checked out. 

Here are a few possible solutions I have come up with…

• Don’t curb your enthusiasm if it is real.  But don’t force it either. 
• Be an active listener and allow conversation
• Don’t plow through with info if you can’t get them interested
• Think before you speak and organize your thoughts
• Remember, not everyone is in the same place in life.  They just may not be ready

Can’t say that I have to ability to follow all of these things, but at least they came out of my own brain so there is hope!

Night time selfishness

Last night I was tired.  I did not want to spend another night up with Jared and his coughing fits which ultimately result in vomiting.   After 4 months of this, my patience has worn thin. Why can’t we fix this? I got angry when I had to change his clothes after he gagged and got yuck on him.  I was annoyed that he was so particular about how his breathing mask went on.  I sighed a lot when he wanted more than one drink.  And I wanted to sleep! 

I I I.  Me me me. 

Rewind to the last post about not being a very good chorister for my family.  I signed up for this mothering business.  I knew it was going to have it’s perks and its challenges.  And here I was thinking only of myself. Again.  This thought went through my mind about 3 am last night. Yes, I was tired.  But my sweet little one was the one coughing uncontrollably.  He was the one who’s throat hurt.  He was the one who had to drink that nasty medicine. He was the one who had just had his little tonsils taken out.  And he couldn’t sleep either!  All I had to be was awake!  Oh, I did a lot of snuggling and coddling the rest of the night.

A Mother’s Symphony

As I quickly re-applied mascara over yesterdays mascara and threw my hair into a ponytail for the day, I listened to what was a house quiet of children and here is what I heard… 

• Jared snoring in my bed
• the clock ticking next to me
• the washing machine making it’s rounds
• the dryer complimenting with buttons inside rhythmically tapping
• a dishwasher whirring softly
• Flapjacks paws ticking across the floor

A mother’s music.  So many times I have gone through my day stressed and trying to quiet the sounds of my family.  I should be leading them in song!  Directing and teaching.  Not shushing them. 

(Stay tuned for more on this subject night time- version, in a coming post.)